~ “If it weren’t for her, there would never have been an empty space or the need to fill it” ~
A quote by Nicole Krauss erupted a question in my head, a question that I would spend my life answering. I kept the book aside and sat in front of the mirror, it was covered with mist like I was with uncertainty. I tried to remove the fog hoping it will uncloud my mind too, which couldn’t help but wonder “the life she lives is vivacious, yes she is loved… oh! she is precious” but who is she that he is referring to and does it hold true with everyone and everything ??
And that’s when I saw my shadow self, an image that struck hard!
It shook the thought away and I couldn’t help but notice that it’s me.
A pair of eyes who sees an ideal world and beyond in her imagination.
A pair of ears that listens to every bit of harsh truth and hurtful lies.
A lip that feeds me when I crave,
and provides me with a comforting smile when it feels like I am in a grave.
I see a shoulder which keeps my head up in pride, leading to a backbone that keeps me alive.
A pair of hands that makes me independent and gives you arms to come hide, laugh and cry.
I got a pair of legs too that helps me to stand up for myself and walk alone if required.
I am a womb you know that feels lucky to give life,
I am here in this moment and ashes next time.
I am not an angel or a demon but yeah a daydream, a nightmare,
I am not perfect either but I am the best and I am the worst,
a trait that we both share.
I might not be ambitious and may sound ostentatious.
but I am passionate,
And for me, life is more than just a rat race.
I live and not just survive.
I am not the one to be put up in a box, to be tamed, to be generalized.
I am a rebellious one. Wild and Free.
Gracefully portrayed as a stubborn soul,
a proud possessor of a feral heart,
a heart that’s caged, unfortunately.
I am naive and timid, a paradox.
Blessed with an enigmatically beautiful mind,
And a mindset that’s unorthodox.
I am trapped in a fragile body, imprisoned in my own mind palace,
I struggle to break free but don’t panic I don’t bear a malice.
I am a thought, a chaos, I don’t have any root.
Always free falling, flying all over
traveling so far, without a parachute.
Call me a wanderer lost in her own way, walking lazily but in a haze.
I am the music worth listening to on an abandoned road,
I am a safety blanket, a sharp turn, a danger sign in bold.
I am a love letter in the revolutionary era of mail,
an adventure worth exploring, a voyage worth a sail.
A coincidence, a destiny, a destination you will say,
I am a mystery worth a thrill. A revelation worth a daze.
I am a laughter that makes you skip a beat,
A cry that cuts you too, too deep,
A question mark that makes you take a book and flip.
You come close to find answers,
You do so but you move in stealth.
Not just you even I do the same,
Who am I… confined in a name.
Am I a stereotype, just a Cliché ??
Well finding that out wasn’t a child’s play.
Am I the goddess that exudes power,
Or a weakness taken advantage of, just to feel amused.
Am I just another wallflower,
Or ideal for someone who considers me a muse.
Am I the goddess that brings opulence and money,
or the one who gets burned for every single penny.
Why am I designated with a halo,
When everyone tries to fog my natural glow.
All I know is I don’t need just a day,
Good wishes today, swear words another way.
I demand respect when I deserve one,
Come cherish and celebrate me every day.
Now you see my reflection but I see myself.
I am a dawn of hope and a dusk of pain.
An afternoon of patience and a night of silence,
I am a moment of leisure and a hectic day,
slowly turning into years down the lane.
I am the warmth in winter, a shower of love in rain,
a cool breeze in summer,
who teaches autumn to let go and embrace the change.
I am a cycle of seasons, a whirlpool of memory,
A picture clicked in Polaroid, a happy moment captured in summary.
I am a convention, I am the status quo,
I am a subtle change, dramatic on the go.
I blend with the color of mother nature like a butterfly.
I am beautiful, I am a kaleidoscope.
I am a hiding place, I am the home.
abandoned, I am facing the storm,
I stand tall untouched by time,
I am a hurricane, uprooting society’s norm.
I am just another voice wanting to be heard,
just another outline waiting to be discovered.
Yet another fierce wave that has to return once it reaches shore,
yet another human trying to leave behind an example,
something larger than life, bigger than what a single entity stands for.
I am a story worth reading, a reality worth accepting.
I am a poetry, a couplet, a phrase and a verse,
I am a blank page, empty space, ink and a secret worth spilling,
I am a character, a chapter, an end suffering writer’s curse.
But my words they hurt like a shark knife.
Calling it a problem seems to put it mild.
I am you, you are me, we are half of the crowd,
a victim, a culprit, a prejudice,
hysterically crying out loud.
I am a warrior, a survivor,
I am ready to unfurl.
Inexplicable, unstoppable, a dilemma.
I am a Woman, In a Man’s world.
~ ‘A word with my shadow self’ by Preety Choudhary~
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